PRODUCER’S CORNER: Lessons from 2012

It’s 2013 already and I’m finally getting around to my 2012 review.   Some things are going to blow your mind and others, well, you probably experienced it yourself.  Not all of this is going to be about film or dudes – It’s everything under the sink time.  I’m going to do my best to keep this as humorous as possible when I can.

So here it goes.

DISCLAIMER:  Not for sissy-pants.  You have been warned.  F-bombs may be included.  Reader discretion is advised.

WISDOM
I’ve learned a great deal last year.  Yep.  As years go by, you would think that the learning would slow down from being ‘wiser’ than the year before.  Whoever said that crap is a complete moron.  I assure you, you will never stop learning and the odds are, you’re going to make the same mistakes again and again.

DUDES & DICKS
Dude #1:  I have said goodbye to a long time ‘well-known’ Composer who was so full of crap with everything he said to me and hell, we were not intimate – just friends.  He would say he was going to buy two cameras and start his own film production company and all these ‘things.’  I was told that due to not being intimate, I was his muse.  His greatest inspiration due to me keeping things professional. Until one day, he decided to send a photo of his junk….and I’m not talking in a garbage can folks.  Imagine my face starring at an over-inflated hot dog.  I told this ‘friend’ that it was inappropriate and to not treat me like that but also added that with his career, it’s not wise to do stupid stuff like this because I know I was not the only one.  He likes Skype a lot.  So, a great supportive friendship went down the ‘tube’ because of an idiot.  I removed him completely so I am no longer his muse which makes me amused.    Maybe with all the hot air he has, he can fill a blow up doll.

Dude #2:  A depressed news person who makes perverted comments to the point his work notices it and tells him to stop….mmyah……’nuff said.

Dude #3:  A dude on Facebook who wants to ‘get to know me’ but freaks out because I don’t email him back and says he’s out.  I emailed and said that he was never in.  I was not even attracted to the guy and I get into trouble.

What is wrong with men today?

FILM
Wow.  What a bi-polar year with the high lows.

Lesson #1: Don’t mentor.  Don’t do it or you will beat yourself like you’re on fire and need to get the flames out.  If you mentor, make sure it’s someone who has TRUE potential to do it.  If you don’t, light yourself on fire and beat out the flames.

Lesson #2: If you say that you know Matt Damon, the odds are pretty fucking good that I’m going to find out.  When I contact Matt Damon and he doesn’t know you or the person you claim was recommended to you, that’s when I throw you out the window of a 747 in mid-flight.  This is sound advice for filmmakers – do NOT pretend you know celebrities higher than you.  There are smart fuckers like me who find out and know people for ‘realz yo’ but we don’t tell.

Lesson #3: Trust in your instincts.  What’s it going to take for you do to it – your stomach to crawl through your belly wall and talk to you?  When your instincts go off, it’s your subconscious level warning you that there are troubles ahead and you should step away from the steaming pile of dog doo.  But hey, it’s your choice.   Do you go ahead and step in it to see what scent it is or do you walk away feeling fresh as a daisy?  Make the choice.

Lesson #4:  Holy hell Film Man, you’re not the only filmmaker out there and quit pointing the finger at other people’s film calling them ‘shit’ when your own work sucks.  Oops – I finally said it.

Lesson #5: Shut up and make movies – all the complaining about money with short films. Who wouldn’t want to get paid?  But if you want to get paid – go find the money for the filmmaker who has the film.  Eh?   *crickets*  The odds of anyone in a local scene (pick any major film city) for film (only) making money is damned few.  Otherwise, it’s commercial gigs, corporate gigs, wedding and funerals for us all.  You have to love what you do first.  If you hate making movies without pay – what are you in this for?

Lesson #6:  In 2011, I told a colleague of an idea after talking with the Mayor of Sultan about a film and now his friend is making something very similar that I found in 2012.  Yes, I have documentation.

Lesson #6:  I watch one fan film production say slanderous things about another fan film production that has the authentic celebrities involved from the real franchise that they are fans from.  Fucking moron.  I’d say that the real celebrity (choose any generation) fan film based off the franchise production has a better chance of surviving and running free.  Oh and um….better god damned acting too.  So – I said it.  What of it?  Call each other and cry or make fun of people like normal.  *eye roll*  Again, another reason not to be like these kind of so called filmmakers.

Lesson #7:  There are some really amazing people out there who are willing to help.  They don’t make fun of you.  They don’t talk shit about you.  They want to work with you and get something done together.  REMEMBER THIS. It’s really important to remember this when things are tough.  Place an ad and find people.  There are always actors and crew who are looking for experience but don’t get it because they are not in with the crowd or just need a chance.

Lesson #8: Don’t believe what people say without verifying it.  Go read my Dude #1 story.  There are people out there with hidden motives who will lie, cheat, and steal from you.  Be very careful out there.

Lesson #9: What’s the rush?  Don’t hurry into a production after writing.  Take your time to perfect it and film it.  Let it have the best chance at quality your film can have.  You will thank yourself later.

Lesson #10: Everything else under the kitchen sink goes here.

LIFE & VAMPIRES
In case you don’t know this, life is great!  It’s an amazing adventure filled with good and bad people.  Sure, you’re going to run across negative people but it is you who can control how much energy they get out of you.  I like to avoid ‘energy vampires.’  Every now and then I stumble across one that zaps me because I don’t see the signs right away.  Some appear to be positive but then zap you.

TELL IT LIKE IT IS
Stop lying.  Be honest with people.  I have seen people say stuff and turn around and smile, shake hands and say they love the person they just said stuff about.  I end up in a daze not believing what I just witnessed.  Oh and if you don’t like what something that someone did to you, speak up.  Now is a great time to start doing this – it is liberating!

BE POSITIVE
Look, no one is 100% positive.  If someone says they are, they are so full of shit – they’re eyes are brown.  Red if they ate beets but you get the idea.  Surround yourself around positive people when you’re down.  If you are around someone who repeatedly says, “I’m going to quit…” it will rub off on you.  Get rid of that person in your life.  Believe me, it’s life changing to eliminate that kind of talk and vibe.

Alrighty – that’s a wrap on this baby before it ends up being a book.  Not as funny as I thought it might be but hey, I’m no professional comedian dang it.

Let’s roll forward on to a beautiful year with 2013.

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