You hear it all:
Quitting is for losers.
Never give up.
Don’t give up.
Over the past year or so, I have given thought to quitting what I really love doing – filming. It is not even the pay issues really that does it in for me because you really should love what you are doing and also know the basics of film to understand that they is not a lot of money unless it’s a feature. Setting that aside…
I have been douched over by some of the best assholes out there and some you think are your friends for now. But the one thing I have learned is that being a land shark has not made any of these douchers go any further up the escalator than my own ride. So, being a douche does not always pay off. I have dedicated time to these people and nothing comes in return but this is how people like this work and once they are done with you (depending on the position like Producer knowledge), you will not see them again. So, I am sick of working with these kind of people. This topic could go on and on and on. I do not even want to give this negativity another moment. They know who they are.
Yep, I am finally being blunt about it because I do not ever plan to work with them either so who gives a crap about bluntness or so called blacklists. Oh, I am shaking in my sandals, Mr. (pretending to be) Spielberg. *yawn*
I have heard every bullshit story out there possible. You are going to have to trust me on this one.
I’ve tried to do a film support group called Seattle Area Filmmakers but people wanted to take it over and then hated on me and my idea because I NEVER once wanted it to be for my advantage or others involved to take advantage and use it for their “career gain.” So, it got silently dissed. I tried to do events but people are so wishy-washy anymore that they say but do different things. I had an equipment guy spend THREE fucking days setting up his gear at a school field for an even that of the 70 people saying they were coming – 0 committed the day before and I had to cancel it because it was sunny out. So much for dedication/time and the guy never wanted to do it again. I was going to set up more events but worried that it would waste more artists time who wanted to give back to the community. It just seems that there are so few willing to be behind the curtain to assist with the community – many want to use things to get noticed and be in the spotlight. I can’t blame them, but it’s not my style.
ANGER, VERIFY & REFERENCES
I should be angry. I’m not. Why? Because I trusted these people without any kind of verification. I’m telling you – verify who the heck you’re potentially working with. I assure you, they are blowing smoke up your arse – I don’t care how pretty their website is, how many short films they have on their IMDB (maybe one or two known features as a distant extra), how lovely their words sound, how excited they seem, etc….VERIFY and get REFERENCES (read). Read that blog. It will help you. I wish I had someone telling me that very thing in 2008.
THE ACTRESS WHO’S QUITTING- NOT TODAY
So along comes a blog (read) about Quitting.
Me: She asks the same thing I have been thinking and it was like she was writing a clean version of my own thoughts.
I decided to see if there were others out there wondering the same thing – quitting. Sure enough, there were people out there expression their views online.
SEATTLE PA QUITTER
Here’s one guy (read) from Seattle even. I do have to chuckle about the hours thing though – 12 hours is pretty standard and if in fact he’s working on feature films – they would be compensating for over the 12 hour mark.
Me: I have no issues working the hours – I have worked long hard hours for years.
HE ADMITS HE SUCKS
This one (read) blew me away but at least he recognized that he just didn’t have what it takes.
Me: I know damned good and well that I have good scripts that are thoughtfully executed, allowed to breath for a time and sent out to critical friends who don’t bullshit me into thinking my crap script is the next best thing and rush the fuck out to film it three weeks later after ruining anyone else’s chance with a good script of getting crowd-funding….. yeah, I said it. I said what a lot of people are whispering about. So.
JUST QUIT – BY BOBCAT
Then came this article (read) about quitting from Bobcat. He advises to actually quit. Yep. You’ll see why. I was also impressed that he used the word douche-y. I like him.
What it has come down to is this – I want to have some day, my great grand kids to be able to say, “Wow, she worked on that film” versus, “Omg, what a pile of shit. Did she not see that it was a pile of shit when reading the script?” Yes. I probably did and did it for the meager amount being paid (or not paid most times) and thinking I was doing a good thing for people who called me a “friend” at the time and stupidly hoped they would return the favor. No more.
What I have decided is that I am quitting film. I will only dedicate time to quality scripts sent to me and I will dedicate my time to that film and if it is a short film – even if it does not obtain financial support, I will be committed to it. After all, since when do short films actually make money. Yep. That’s right. A good story is the best story. I am doing it for the LOVE of filming, to entertain an audience, to create thought- provoking moments, and to help my fellow filmmaker FRIENDS out. Even if that means one film a year, so be it. Quality over quantity and quality has always been something I have harped about for years and I have severely failed myself.
No longer, will I support anyone who has not supported or recommended me for films. So please, do not ask me to forward your crap when you could not even support my own film that is behind due to lack of support, trusting people, letting people tell me their schedules, giving chances when I should have set the hammer down but because we all were not getting paid vs doing it for love – I was too soft and easy which was a failure moment for me. I fully admit it. I can do that. How many can?
DOUCHING THE DOUCHERS
Does this mean I am now a snob to the snobs or douchers? No. It means I am finally standing my own ground and saying: “Fuck you.” I just want to make quality films with friends that mean something and not for a fuckin’ buck or to go around acting like some big shot. Yep, I am probably an asshole after this blog but like everything else, in two days, no one will remember it.
I will continue to write. Because I love it and no one can douche me on writing.
Producer/Director/Screenwriter and most of all…Human Being.