About three years ago, I wrote a blog on why I was still single. “Damn girl. Why you still single?” Sound familiar to a lot of you who are single? Yeah, it’s actually funny to me and I’m not bothered by it at all, but I thought I would write about the adventures.
At that time, I thought I had all the answers as to why I was single until a few months later, I was swept up off my feet and going through a 2.3 year relationship and the 5 months of grieving after I broke it off. I now fully understand why.
It was pointed out that there were a few qualities about me that he said made him love me:
I believed a lot was going to happen for our future together and went out of my way in that relationship. There really wasn’t a whole lot of action, just a lot of words. Those three things were kinda taken advantage of by the person who loved them.
So – I finally realized that I need to destroy all but one description: Independence.
I tend to believe people at their word way too easy. My trust gets violated. I’m a partial cynical person in the good sense and my intuition works, but a lot of times I just ignore it until my instincts have to kick in. That’s a problem that I need to work on. I would rather spare the feelings of others over mine. No longer will I do that.
In my previous blog, I was so wrong with all of the things I thought and yet at the same time, the things I thought on why I was single, really were these three core flaws.
I can combine the three (innocence, fragile and vulnerable) into one word: gullible. So I need to stop allowing myself in being persuaded into things and stand my ground. I remember he once told me to never lose those qualities, but now I completely disagree that they are qualities. They are severe flaws.
So with that, even though that relationship ended in a lot of heartbreak and time wasted, it pointed out that these flaws need strengthening.
I am grateful. I want to see flaws, weaknesses and the stupid things I do because I would much rather be work-in-progress than a person who blames others and never sees their own faults – worse by never making progress of change.
I will continue to take people on their word, but I will follow-through with respectful expectations of seeing action behind the words.
So yes, even the most terrible or heartbreaking things that go on in your life, can indeed teach you something positive about yourself.
I expect of myself:
To be a better friend.
To be a better mate.
To be a better colleague.
To be a better human being.
To be more silly because humor is amazing.