Lowered Expectations

Printed with permission.

True Story by a friend of mine named, Calix Lewis Reneau – produced screenwriter, published novelist, working director, experienced movie and television producer, award-winning musician, provocative blogger, top-selling greeting card writer, proud father.

Thanks – what you said here will stick forever with me. Just last night, a buddy of mine told me the  gal he had been seeing for two months admitted that she was in contact with her ex boyfriend. They were together for a couple years and then split up – hadn’t talked in six months. They realized they loved each other after all and apparently going to work on things.

Oh and to update this – all this taught me was about GOOD relationships and how real  love does continue on and to not expect my partner to be perfect and that I shouldn’t have the same expectations on me as well. Otherwise, I look forward to that one day.

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“I was married for a couple of decades, then divorced for about another decade, then I re-married my original wife a second time a couple of years ago.

When they find this out, people often ask me “what’s the secret to a happy relationship? How did you two get back together?”

My reply is always the same:

“Lowered expectations.”

Of course this always elicits the expected laughter. But it’s the God’s honest truth. We both had to get to the point where we realized that 90% of our tensions and problems came from expecting our Significant Other to be everything at all times to us, which is effin’ insane if you think about it.

The other 90% of our problems come from believing the other person has to change the stuff that annoys me in order for me to be happy, or for us to be healthy – which is just as effin’ insane if you think about it.

So, we now don’t expect each other to be everything we need, and we also are learning to realize “that thing we’re arguing about? Doesn’t need arguing – you think what you think, I think what I think, we’re both grown-ass adults with our own opinions, let it go!”

What stemmed this amazing story – I posted a little wisdom that I have learned on Facebook:

“Most people over the age of 35 should really have a good grasp that there is no such thing as a perfect partner. Some learn this right after high school, but by the time you’re in that mid-thirties, you really get it. Others don’t and they keep trying to find that male/female 10 out there and it makes for unrealistic expectations.

It’s called – getting to know someone, listening/talking, bonding, trusting, loving and just being happy. Do things together. I’ve seen it with some really amazing friends who have been married and sure, they have their arguments, but they don’t huff off looking for the next failure to come along. People are different and will always have same/different thoughts, tastes, preferences, etc. You can’t make someone conform to your ways. It won’t work.”

 

 

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